NL East: Full fathom five

Miami Marlins

The last time the Marlins were competitive, the Writers Guild of America was on strike, AI mania was gripping the world, and a woman had a wildlife experience with a snake and a hawk that Sir David Attenborough could only dream about. Yes, most of us can scarcely remember those halcyon days of 2023, except through the 21st century’s archaeological record of choice, memes. In those days, the Miami baseball club was fueled by a high-octane pitching staff and not-quite-enough hitting.

Today, the Marlins still boast a roster with most of the same starting pitchers, but so far, those heroes from yesteryear have had a tough time replicating their erstwhile success. The team’s SPs currently rank 29th in ERA, 29th in WHIP, 28th...

Almost!

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